i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
