We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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