my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
