I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
