if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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