You can't motorboat a personality
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
