i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
