What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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