i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
