i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
