The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
