why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
