one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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