there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
