I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
