dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize