I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
