She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Terrible idea I love it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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