I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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