Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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