I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
