arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
