you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Someone came in the potted fern
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize