i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
