That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
