What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
