just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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