living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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