I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
