FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this just has baby written all over it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize