ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
