Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
