I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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