woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize