I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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