you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize