Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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