y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize