I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
