i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
