OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
