umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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