I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize