I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
