do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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