a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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