I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
