I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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