Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
