i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
