my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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