I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
