I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize