my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
