I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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