i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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