I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
