I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
