I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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