how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
