ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
