We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
