I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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