You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think i have two assholes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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