you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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