i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know her cup size but not her name....
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