I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
