Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize