i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
being pregnant is like rehab
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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