We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
