grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
