i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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