happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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