Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
